Standing Guard

My daughter Lindsay and her 11 year old son Noah were walking in the mall after his dentist appointment. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him quietly turn his head to the left as they walked by the Victoria’s Secret store on the right and not turn back until they had passed it... read more

Quiet on the Set!

I was watching a documentary on how movies are made, from beginning to end. But what was most interesting to me was what happened before the actual taping of each scene. Activity on the set was crazy! There were last minute makeup and hair touchups as one person ran over to straighten... read more

Have you ever wondered what to say (or not say) to a woman who has become a widow?

In our fear of saying something that might be even more hurtful for a woman in her loss, we often say nothing OR – and perhaps worse yet – we make a statement that unintentionally inflicts more heartache.

I will be periodically adding tips for anyone wanting to minister to a widow and needing insight as to what to say and do, or NOT say and do, for a woman experiencing the “World of the Widow.”

Tip #1: Encourage her to ask for help. Encourage her to ask for help. Encourage her to ask for help. And, if you are still in doubt, encourage her to ask for help.

There will be a time when the realization that “I cannot do this by myself.” hits and the widow recognizes that she needs help. As friends, family, church family and simple acquaintances, you are waiting in the wings to help her. Eaves need to be cleaned out, lawns mowed, oil changed, furniture moved, trees cut down, meetings kept, babysitters called, bills paid, plants watered, boards replaced, rooms painted, food cooked, Christmas lights strung, laundry folded, gardens tilled, prayers lifted. So many of you are waiting…thinking… “If only she will ask.” Feel free to ask the widow first. It may be a new experience for her – to ask for help. She’s always had her husband there to tackle the list of things to be done…but that has changed. So please ask.

Tip #2: Your life will go on as usual after her loss. Do not assume that hers will do the same. Because it will not.

Once the initial shock of loss is over, people tend to return to their pre-loss lives. Sympathy cards that arrived by the hundreds are soon replaced by bills and credit card promotions. “How are you doing?” phone calls are replaced with silence. Please do not forget women who have lost their husbands! As Christians they know Who holds tomorrow. And, as Paul Harvey says, “…(we) know the rest of the story.” We do not mourn as the rest of the world, but we ARE mourning. Just continue, in the weeks and months ahead, to let us know that you care.

Copyright 2010  Nancy E. Hughes